How to improve travel in Tokyo pt. 2

Ticket gates

First, stop buying paper tickets. They are hold overs from when they actually needed someone to stand at the gate and hole-punch each ticket. I’ve seen video of it. It’s been 20 years at least. Buy a damn train pass.

If you have a train pass and you screw up and it beeps at you, you have failed. Your turn is forfeit, please don’t stand there until it resets so you can screw it up again. These are highly efficient magnetically controlled machines. If something went wrong it’s a 99.9% chance that it’s your fault.

If you are they type of person that follows someone closely so you can skip through and avoid paying the fair, sand blasting your colon is too good a punishment for you.

Seat Rules

First, pick a seat if you’re going to sit down. If you switch destination seats, block me, and cost me the other seat I thought you were going for originally, I will want to stab you with an umbrella made of fire ants.

If the train is fairly crowded the rule is, if someone directly in front of you gets off the train, then that seat is yours. If you don’t take it, everyone feels awkward unless it’s one of those reserved for the olds or the injured/pregnant. If it’s a regular seat some jerkwad will push through the crowd and claim it, leaving you looking stupid and me pissed off for a wasted seat.

Personal space

Look, I get it when the train is way above capacity. You gotta get close. Be quicker on making the room in that case or I’ll push your kidneys into your stomach with my elbows.

But when there’s lots of room and I’m chilling by the door, get the hell away from me. Since I quit smoking I’ve discovered just how terrible everyone on the train smells during summer so get the fuck back please.

Not everyone is on your schedule

This is huge. Just because your train isn’t pulling into the station right this second doesn’t mean you can hog the stairway/escalator. Someone behind you (me) trapped by your douchbaggery apathy will not appreciate having the doors to the other train (usually there’s two directions per platform, didn’t you notice?) shut in their face because you don’t feel like walking up an escalator that’s only wide enough for one person. Especially if it’s a fairly local line where catching one train and having to wait for the other can be the difference between making it to work on time and being late! I’LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ummm, sorry about that. Just stop being so shit about moving around the city, Tokyo.



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