How to improve travel in Tokyo pt. 3

This has been a pretty decent well to return to. This post will be mostly about things I wish were true, with very little regard to the practical or the financially responsible. So here it goes.

More pedestrian bridges.

Or even better, tunnels. No I don’t care if it’s structurally unsound. Do I look like an engineer? No, if I was I’d have a nice steady paycheck designing speed bumps instead of slinging English like it was crack. Anyway, my point is I hate waiting to cross streets. Tokyo already has a lot of these to be honest but tunnels would be so much better because of how fucking much it rains around here.

Designated walking lanes.

That’s it. Are you an octogenarian out for a stroll to the bakery to waste a few meaningless hours? Move to the left. Are you a group of drunk business men celebrating a 1% increase in profits for the quarter at a company mandated liver-pickeling? Move to the left and die in a fire. Are you in a hurry to get somewhere? Are you just someone that doesn’t walk like they’re oblivious to everything that isn’t within a one inch radius of their face? Move to the right. Enforcement of punishment for misuse of the lanes left to the citizens.

Jetpacks.

Because that would be awesome. Next!

Moving sidewalks.

I’m talking about those flat escalators that you see at airports and on the way to Tokyo Disney. I love those things. It feels so cool to walk on them and standard escalator conventions apply. People who want to move slowly stand off to the side and allow people to pass. I have no idea why this doesn’t happen on a normal street. Seriously, these things are great because when you’re drunk you can try to walk in the opposite direction and it’s hillarious.

Education.

Maybe just a pamphlet or two. Since old people are the largest targeted demographic for this, make up some scary stuff about illegal immigrants stealing handbags of people that don’t walk correctly. That kind of stuff works in the U.S. all the time!

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