30 days have come and gone…

So there it is. My halt on all alcohol at the border of my metabolism has been lifted. The thirty day quarantine has passed. So what have I learned? How do I feel?

Good questions. It has also been three months since I gave up smoking, another notoriously difficult vice to part with. I will admit that alcohol was more difficult to do. I suppose that it’s due to the fact that I knew I was able to drink again at the end of the time limit. I thought about it a lot more. Put myself in situations where I would be tempted more often. Smoking was a choice I had to make forever and more obviously a good idea.

Therein lies the problem though. Alcohol is far, far, far more socially acceptable than smoking is nowadays. When I told people that I quit smoking, the response was always immediately positive. Smokers were surprised, but not that I would quit but that I was able to do so. Reactions were almost completely reversed with drinking. Immediate shock followed by the inevitable question “Why?”. As if it was unfathomable that I would even consider doing such a thing.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say that this got annoying very quickly.

However, to be fair, everyone I met felt I was doing a good thing and actually treated my choice as something to be respected, far more so than smoking. Smoking was always more of an “it’s about time” vibe compared to drinking’s “I’m impressed you can pull that off.” Again this probably goes more to the social acceptance of drinking in my peer group. Not that this is a bad thing, I certainly hope I didn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable about showing up to drink events trying to be sober.

I think I learned some things about myself and about alcohol. I learned a little about what I was like when I got too deep. I should probably be pretty thankful that I still have as many, or any, friends as I do based on that knowledge. I learned that I don’t need to be drunk to be a fun person to be around. I do take longer to warm up to a crowd than I think I used to, but that is likely just because I’d usually show up everywhere already two or three in the bag.

I saved a fair bit of money this month. I hope I can maintain that. Lost some weight, not much but I noticed if no one else did. I’m still pretty lazy which is the next thing I need to work on I wager. Blamed the drink and the smokes for that in the past but it’s hard to shove off on them completely. I did a lot more writing but that drifted off due to other things. (*cough* Skyrim *cough*) But I don’t need to be drunk to write, just drunk to think it’s good!

Actually I’ve gotten some lovely feedback recently so I’ll try to provide more. Thanks everyone.

In closing, my goal was not to give it up forever, but to try and reign back the amount. I could see myself approaching the proverbial cliff on the metaphorical runaway wagon train. I think I’ve managed to steer away from the edge but now I’m just moving parallel, once false move and I could be headed there again. If that happens I suspect I’ll have to jump off all together.

To cut through the tired cliche’ I don’t plan to give up alcohol completely. That could be a mistake on my part for sure. My goal was to stop drinking at home, alone, building my tolerance so that when I go out with my friends I drink to the point of blacking out. If I can’t manage that then I’ll have to face facts and give it up for good. That would be hard I suspect, but I think that the people around me are good enough to support me in that.

Thanks to everyone that supported me this last month. If I start to lose it again, or go to far, please tell me to cut that shit out. Maybe this time I’ll listen.

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One response to “30 days have come and gone…”

  1. Terese LaTorre says :

    you are more of my hero than you will ever know. I tried to teach you lots of things when you were younger, but your committment to your goals (and accomplishment thereof) is something you have taught me. I’m so proud of you.
    love you,
    MOM

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